Online Outside

As a square, yellow sponge once said, “I’m ready.” What exactly am I ready for? Well, for starters, spring is right around the corner, so I am ready to be outside. The winter blues were not particularly ominous this go around, which is most certainly due to the sunny winters of Andalusia. Interacting with hyperactive 12 to 18 year olds on an almost daily basis has also probably held some mood-boosting benefits. Winter was dare I say enjoyable this go around. The holidays were inexpensive. I went to 0 Christmas parties and have not had a drop of alcohol since January 1st. On the flip side, I have spent most of my free time indoors and in the same pueblo. My non-work social interactions are limited to my roommate and the grocery store workers. So it is time to switch that up. One thing I have often struggled with is being selfish. Back in the day, it was easy for me to not initiate contact with a friend for days at a time. I did not want to be a nuisance. I have had a deep-seated fear since childhood of being perceived as annoying. As I matured, that fear manifested itself as coming off as aloof to strangers, or disinterested to friends. Over the years and through therapy, I have broken down that belief and become a more emotionally involved friend, greatly improving my interpersonal skills. Now as I work on involving myself more with this blog and my TikTok, I find myself needing to apply irl friendship skills online. As I work on growing my online presence, I am tasked with finding, interacting, and following with other creators whose work I enjoy. Following someone is easy, but for whatever reason, I still feel weird leaving comments saying how much I enjoy someone else’s content. I’m sure this is something to bring to my therapist one day, but online, it’s important to remember that none of us exist in a vacuum. I am almost certain no one is going to feel some type of way about me enjoying their content and leaving a comment reflecting that. If this period of isolation has taught me anything, it’s that all of my insecurites are in my own head and that there’s no need to feed into them. Outside of me, they don’t exist, so why should they exist inside of me? And besides, as a millenial, I’ve been online for decades…what the fuck do I have to be scared of? So here’s to making friends online again!