Some people say that life will start to seem more chaotic and old habits will creep back when you attempt to shift into a new reality. As my project management certification date inches closer, I have faced increasing difficulty in focused studying, so much so that I almost broke my 3 month sobriety to have a beer. For whatever reason, my brain was using bizarre techniques to prevent me from reaching a goal. The doom-scrolling has reached insane levels. As it stands, Tik-Tok is the only social media app I use and have managed to rack up almost 4 hours of scrolling every day for the past week, compared to the usual 90 minutes. In addition to the self-induced mind games, I called my boyfriend yesterday on his way to a funeral. By the end of our over hour plus long conversation, we were no longer dating. As it turns out, me being in Spain and him being in Houston is proving to be more difficult on him than he imagined. I don’t blame him. It has not been easy. I have felt myself starting to drift away emotionally which could be due to a number of reasons. The shitty part is that this was my healthiest relationship by far and it didn’t even last a year. It’s also not lost on me that our relationship ended as he was on his way to a funeral. A funeral in New Orleans of all places.
I’m not going to go into the binge eating I’ve done in the past week. You know you need help when you under report meals and snacks in a calorie tracking app.
My now ex-boyfriend and I broke up over cell phone, my brain is trying to to end my sobriety, and I can’t stop eating chocolate croissants. And Trump is bringing back segregation? Maybe I will stay in Spain. This next breakthrough better be good.
From Bayou to Beyond 